Syracuse, NY —

A new report suggests that at this given moment, nearly 76% of Americans have walked into a room despite being uncertain as to why they entered the fucking room in the first place. Despite being fully confident that there was something of absolute importance that they needed to walk into the room they are currently occupying, a majority of citizens became absolutely fucking clueless of what it was by time they entered the room. While some just awkwardly fumbled about the room looking at anything and everything to try to spark their memory, others were resigned to just leaving the room until they inevitably remembered why they entered the room later, only to forget again the moment they re-enter in an endless cycle of shitty memory problems.

By Zach Englund