By Vladimir Putin

Generally speaking, I am surrounded by amazing people. I have fun friends and wonderful family! I have 70% approval ratings! I like my job and have happy contractors from Moscow to the White House. I see on street beautiful Russian women who emblazon pictures of me on their t-shirts.

However, there have been times I have found myself in toxic relationships. People who want to throw negativity, hate, and evidence in your face to bring you down. Maybe you have too. Eventually you have to ask yourself, how are you supposed to find peace as long as you keep forgiving these people? There are times you cannot tolerate this any longer. You have standards and self-respect. Sometimes, you just need to cut a person out of your life forever.

Take my old friend Litvinenko. He was a great man, who always supported me on espionage missions. I told him my deepest and darkest secrets. Suddenly, he defects, as if I am nothing to him. He turned against me and even ran corruption investigation against me. I do not need that negativity in my life. I had to look myself in the mirror and decide that Litvinenko was canceled. I’m sorry, Alexander. I hope you are in better place now.

Toxic people are master manipulators. They prey on people like me, people who care too much. But sometimes you have to remember that just because you manipulate national elections, doesn’t give anyone the right to manipulate you. Toxic people might fight your efforts to remove them by saying things like “I still care about you,” or “you’re nothing without me,” or “сука блять, is that a gun?” But you have to be strong. You have to move on and say, “I’m sorry, I need to erase you forever. I know this hurts, especially when the acid burns through your skin, but the way you impact my wellbeing is not okay.”

If you think you have toxic person in your life, here are some signs to look for:

  • They take more than they give in your relationship
  • They treat you differently when you’re alone together
  • They publish documents about your nefarious business dealings
  • They make you feel guilty even though you have done nothing wrong on the record
  • They report to newspapers about your human rights abuses

And remember, although it’s hard to make the move, you will feel great when the negative person is finally deleted. You will feel light and free again! You might smile and say goodbye, how you say, Felicia. I don’t need your bad vibes. Be careful next time you eat food or get on aeroplane!