Chicago, IL —
Nearly everyone in the United States have come to the conclusion that this fifth dentist really needs to lower his fucking standards about every product that comes out onto the market. It seems that in every commercial that shows something related to teeth cleaning and dental health, there are only four out of five dentists that support the product, and whoever the fuck this fifth jackass is—who has his nose so high in the air they’re probably getting neck pains—needs to lower the bar just a little. If 80% of people who have gone through years of studies to become high-paying experts come to a unanimous conclusion, what makes the 20% so fucking special, and what the fuck do they know that they aren’t telling the other 80%? Is this one dentist’s horse so high that they can see the other side of the goddamn planet? Because it seems like no matter what new innovations roll out in toothpastes and dental floss, this one fucker just has to be against it. There could be a mouthwash that cures mouth cancer and this jack-off would just be like, “Nope, not backing this product either.” Whoever this fucking dentist is needs to fucking calm their ass and at least find something to back, even if it’s one product, just something that they can attest to being worth it instead of shooting down every single damn thing on the dental health market.
By Zach Englund