Washington D.C. —

Amidst rumors of impeachment being imposed by the House, President Donald Trump declared that he would initiate Order 66 in response to this possibility. “We must move quickly. The Jedi are relentless. If they are not all destroyed, it will be civil war,” Trump tweeted. Further into the tweet, Trump explained his concern. “It is very clear to me that the Jedi and the Democrats are working together to try and take me down. Typical bipartisan move between the dems and the High Council. SAD.” Many members of the President’s cabinet were noticeably confused about it all, but noted that any attempts to impeach the President would only strengthen his 2020 campaign, ensuring a reelection.

Trump recently sought emergency powers from the Senate in his desire to purge the Jedi from the United States, stating that they “need to go back to where they came from or be imprisoned or killed.” Further concerns about the President arose when he doubled down on his desire to initiate Order 66, stating, “Low energy Yoda and his crooked crew want control of the United States. They’re planning to betray me!” At press time, Trump sent off an urgent email to his White House staff. “Very important questions to ask the Sith Lord. Which one is his office?”

By Zach Englund, Photo Edit By Emily Sanchez