Leominster, MA —

Nowadays, people are constantly inserting race and color into every conversation. It’s exhausting!

As I was just telling this guy I know from work, who probably loves rap music and fried chicken, and, I’m pretty sure, could out-jump me on the basketball court, “Javelius, I have no idea what race or color you are, because I don’t see race or color.”

In fact, you can add male gender to the list, because I can’t even see my own dick. Although, that may have something to do with weighing 432 pounds.

I believe that by not seeing the race or color of, say, thugs who get shot by the police because they disobey orders, or welfare-queens who can’t properly conjugate the verb “to be,” I’m avoiding the racist narrative we are continually fed by the mainstream media.

Let me be clear — I don’t even see my own race or color. Plus, there’s no way I can be accused of so-called white male privilege, given that I can’t visually locate my Johnson.

For all I know, I could be a black woman! Except, probably not, because I have a well-paying job.

Anyway, I wish more people were like me: race-blind, color-blind, and their-own-dick-blind. If everyone were like that, and if certain people whose race and color I am unable to see would stay the hell out of nice neighborhoods like mine, I assure you our whole society would be a lot better off.

By Joe Lichtblau