Ottawa, ON —

During a recent election debate on CBC, Canadian Prime Minister Justin Trudeau warned voters that if the Conservative Party wins the election, they will have to endure four years of fugly Andrew Scheer Calendars.

“Putting aside his weak climate plan and vague platform for a moment, consider the thought of an annual calendar with Mr. Scheer’s ugly, ugly face,” Trudeau said. “That’s twelve distinct photos of his smug toddler smirk on that beady-eyed, punchable face that only a mother could love. Now compare that to me, the world’s sexiest leader, with my chiseled, Ken doll face. Which Canada will you invest in?”

“Never mind Andrew’s links to white supremacists for a moment,” Trudeau continued. “Just picture that unsightly fug mug showcased forty-eight times – FORTY-EIGHT TIMES – on walls across the country. Do you really want to dump me, the man who stole Ivanka’s heart from Donald, for this rotund chipmunk in a suit who couldn’t bag a seven-beer-drunk Theresa May? My fellow Canadians, please, I urge you, think of the political calendars you want to leave for your children.”

By Andrew Froese