Austin, TX β€”

Fans of local Austin band Ram-it Planet were keen to see the band’s bass player really doing everything possible to be noticed for a moment or two. Bassist Dan Nelson was observed jumping up and down, running back and forth on stage, and even yelling in attempts to pull attention away from more talented members of the band and onto his droning eighth notes and whole notes. “It’s really kind of embarrassing,” remarked Rodger Stevenson, manager of one of the local Austin clubs that booked the band. “You have an amazing guitarist playing tough riffs, chord progressions, and solos. There’s also the singer, who has amazing control and range, and a drummer who keeps a steady tempo. Yet, this jackass bass player β€” who’s adding absolutely zero to the equation β€” is trying to steal all of the thunder!”

There was reportedly a show where Nelson even jumped into the crowd to try to get people to realize there was a bass player onstage. “It was a little jarring,” local fan Ted Ganderson told us. “But after that weird asshole jumped off the stage, it really allowed us to enjoy the band a lot more.” After witnessing him playing a hodgepodge of roots that barely supplied anything useful to the music, showed no semblance of talent, and took attention away from actual musicians that practiced and honed their craft on real fucking instruments, it is unclear how Ram-it Planet will deal with Nelson’s hot-shit ego.

By Zach Englund