The White House announced this morning that US Special Forces had surrounded and killed the founder of ISIS. The raid took place early Sunday morning, and the move is being celebrated around the world as a great day for global peace.

President Trump noted that the man was a war criminal responsible for radicalizing more Jihadists than any other person in the world, adding that he came from a family of radical extremists with a history of arming terrorists and violently overthrowing democratically-elected governments. He had spent his youth in the military, where he was trained in piloting combat airplanes and dodging shoes. In 2003, he founded ISIS, wreaking havoc across the Middle East and teaching them the valuable strategy of capturing enemy oil fields.

While Trump did refer to the terrorist as a “loser” and “mass murderer,” he also noted that he died the way he would have wanted: in an overseas act of US aggression.