A new study conducted by the Pew Research Center has concluded that the United States lacks both the mental capacity and attention span to not help migrants and refugees while simultaneously not helping the thousands of homeless veterans on our streets.

The new multi-million dollar study confirmed what neurobiologists have known for decades: humans are incapable of not caring about more than one life-pressing issue at a time. “We can’t do it. We just can’t. Thank God for comment sections on the internet and for Netflix. We can air our frustrations about all these people who need our help and about how ‘they’ aren’t doing anything about it, and then we can just chill.”

One participant explained that she feels outraged that any American could possibly think that it would be acceptable to allow a family from Guatemala to seek asylum here while there are veterans who are always ignored. “I know that I can’t help these homeless vets. They’ll probably just buy alcohol. But I definitely know that I’m not about to live next door to some Guatemalan family who’s all fresh off the boat. It is unacceptable to help a refugee who’s been here a hot minute, when we have a rich 200-year history of not helping veterans.”