Wichita, KS —

After many failed relationships and terrible experiences with dating, Wichita native Steve Kirsch has finally met the ‘woman of his dreams,’ albeit online in a Facebook group.

“We met, of all places, in a group for fat cats, ‘THIS CAT IS C H O N K Y,’” said Steve, fondly reminiscing about how he ‘met’ Samantha just eight blissful months ago. “My record with the ladies had been abysmal before I met Sam. It was a chance encounter, really; she caught me totally off guard. She laughed at a few memes I made of my chonkers, Catrick Swayze, and I just knew I had to make my move and message her.”

Sam, who lives in Kingman, AZ, was very reluctant initially to receive Steve’s private messages. “I was nervous when I first got the notifications that I had new messages. Usually the dudes who message me are Nigerian princes trying to scam me, or worse, send me dick pics.” Sam groaned. “I was relieved to see the messages were from Steve. He seems totally normal, for now, I guess.”

“We’ve been chatting online for several months now and just recently started video chatting. Lucky for me she’s a real person! Phew!” Steve laughed nervously. “Sam’s even more beautiful on video. And of course we know we need to meet in person, eventually, but I think we both know how badly that’s going to turn out.”

“We’re having fun and enjoying ourselves. Why ruin things with meeting just yet?” Sam questioned. “The reality is never as good as it is online, but the goal has been to set the bar so low that by the time we do meet, the damage will be minimal. There is a reason we are relying on online dating, you know? Haha. It’s best to just laugh at yourself at this point. But anyway, I’m planning to fly out to Wichita soon to meet Steve. We can’t wait for the disappointment to hit us like a freight train.”

By Catricia