Englewood, NJ — 

A definitive study underwritten by University Of Little Anthony And The Imperials has found an all-time low in individuals dedicating their life to crowding around a mic, swaying to the music, snapping their fingers, and crooning “Doo-wop, Doo-wop.”

The report predicts that, unless drastic measures are taken immediately, by 2025 there could be a debilitating worldwide shortage of hair-sprayed choristers synchronizing flashes of stunningly perfect orthodontia as they lay down back-beats like a boss.

Experts in the field are concerned that the slow death of swinging ensembles harmonizing sh’ boom-booms may just be the harbinger of a brewing mass extinction, in which even those who warble soulfully over a I, IV, V chord progression, while rhyming “cry” with “die,” or “whiskey” with “miss me,” are gradually wiped off the face of the earth.

By Joe Lichtblau