You would think that this article would start and end at sweet potatoes, but you would be mistaken. There are far more bullshit Thanksgiving dishes besides sweet potatoes that mini marshmallows just cannot salvage. With that said, let’s get to the first bullshit dish. 

Sweet Potatoes: They’re a vegetable. They taste like a vegetable. Why on God’s green Earth would you think a thick, toasty layer of melted marshmallow would complement that under layer of baby food vomit? 

Aunt Lorraine’s Weak Hot Cocoa: Every year aunt Lorraine makes a big batch of hot cocoa in the crock pot to enjoy after Thanksgiving dinner. The consistency reminds me of the chocolate waterfall in Willy Wonka, because she uses like 2 packets of cocoa for every gallon of water. She doesn’t even use milk. It’s fucking gross. I’ve tried adding a whole fistful of mini mallows, but it was still so, so bad. 

Dry-Ass Turkey: Usually I just blop a huge wad of canned cranberry sauce on the turkey if it’s too dry, but last year mom was feeling adventurous and made the cranberry sauce from scratch. You know what’s also a bullshit Thanksgiving dish? Gross lumpy cranberry sauce that had little orange peals and frog eyeballs in it. After sprinkling mini ‘shmallows on my turkey, I determined that the results were undesirable and also I got in trouble for microwaving the good dishes. 

Gross Lumpy Cranberry Sauce: Full disclosure, I’ve never tried adding mini marshmallows to this dish, and I never will. I just assume that it would not save a dish that resembles the diarrhea of a creature that has not evolved to fully digest berries. 

By CarolAnn Liebelt