From the raping of their land, to genocide, to being caricatured in the media and sports-world, Native Americans aren’t as thankful as one might think. “With their fat fingers, Americans paint us all with the same brushstroke,” said Wampanoag elder Don James. “My people and, say, the Navajo are very different. But every year — there we all are, with our feathers and turquoise rings and the ‘Me speak,’ teaching those murderous little pilgrims how to artfully line up their mini marshmallows on top of their sweet potatoes.”
Indigenous people have the highest rate of suicide and second highest rate of opioid overdoses of any demographic groups in the United States, and even this isn’t enough to make them be super grateful, at least not on this one day. “I’m grateful 364 days, then, there will be this one white lady and her blueberry home-brewing boyfriend who will becry the genocide in some sort of satirical crap news article, all the while looking up recipes on how to get those sprouts perfectly caramelized. So, yeah, this one day I’m not having it.”
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