In the market for a new lover? One of the best places to find someone new to mingle with is at your local grocery store. More specifically, if you’re into butt play, then your dick-loving ass has a better chance of meeting a fellow ass champion hanging out in the yogurt aisle. Believe me, I know what I’m talking about so just fucking listen and take some goddamn notes for once. 

Greek Yogurt is the ultimate yogurt of choice for people who love anal. Sure, it’s packed with lots of protein, but it’s also packed with a love for butt stuff. Some people love Greek yogurt and some despise it. These naysayers are not your people. They clearly do not engage in any butt play, whatsoever. So just stay away from those boring prudes, unless your favorite position is missionary, which is doubtful since you’re still reading this damn article. 

Not all Greek yogurts are made equal, though. Here are the top three Greek yogurts that send the message to a potential lover, “I do butt stuff”:

  • Dannon’s All-Berry All-the-Time Greek Yogurt: Right on the package, this yogurt boasts about how impossibly smooth it is. This is what makes it such a good lube for sodomy. All-Ass Play-All-the-Time. 
  • Stonyfield’s Chocolate Dream Yogurt: When it comes to coming in the back door, we can’t say enough about how close the color of this yogurt is to shit. It’s a chocolate dream for sure. 
  • Chobani’s Vodka Yogurt: This one’s obvious. Eat enough yogurt with booze in it and you’re immediately down with driving anybody’s dirt road. 

Because I appreciate that you’re still reading this article, I’m going to give you a fourth Greek yogurt to add to your assplay fucket list.  

  • The Greek God’s Fruit On The Bottom: You’ll be screaming a Greek God’s name while getting your bottom pounded. Go with the peach. Your ass won’t be sorry. 

By Catricia