According to American Express, consumers spent more than $100 billion at small businesses on Small Business Saturday over the past nine years. However, Consumer Reports and the American Medical Association reminds purchasers that every Saturday is a small business Saturday for those with a tiny penis. “It’s actually not funny,” said AMA spokesman Clint Matthews. “Millions of men suffer from small dick syndrome. He is the guy who never leaves the gym. The man with the big truck and deafening muffler. The suit-clad man berating the waitress because he ordered double bacon and this turkey club clearly has the normal amount of bacon. The gun-nut.” Congress is expected to pass a $50 billion stimulus package during the next session to combat the problem.