The Last Jedi was a crime against humanity, unprecedented in human history. If the bubonic plague was a movie, it would be called The Last Jedi. The crimes of Hitler pale by comparison to the atrocities committed Rian Johnson. The movie was an evil, dastardly betrayal of all that is beloved and holy about Star Wars.

I know this, because everyone I knew said it. My friends and I attended at least a dozen screenings of The Last Jedi, and every time we dropped $12 at the ticket window to see it again, we felt angry. After the 15th viewing, I actually asked for a ticket refund.

We also wrote plenty of raging reviews on Rotten Tomatoes. We made the Last Jedi the worst reviewed movie in history, while also helping it become among the top ten grossing films of all time. Yes, we hated it, and we kept buying tickets to it, for reasons we are too angry to articulate.

The Rise of Skywalker will be worse than The Last Jedi. The new movie will be the cinematic equivalent of the Spanish Inquisition. Our grandchildren will talk about where they were when they were exposed to this abomination. Memorials will be built to remember the victims who stood in line to buy tickets to this catastrophe. The release of the film probably signifies the beginning of the Apocalypse as foretold in the Bible. And over time, I look forward to understanding why.

I know this. I have written this in hundreds of online posts. My friends have joined me in warning about the oncoming holocaust on any movie review site that allows reviews of films the reviewer hasn’t yet seen. No tragedy in world history has ever been anticipated with so much dread and frothing rage.

Why, you may ask, will The Rise of Skywalker be a horror beyond anything ever experienced? Well, I have to see it a few times first. Maybe it’s Luke coming back from the dead. Maybe it is the CGI Leia. Maybe Rey and Kylo are really brother and sister, or maybe they fall in love. Maybe it’s the Emperor returning. Maybe Chewbacca gets rabies.

Rest assured that The Rise of Skywalker is now the worst reviewed movie in human history. Stay tuned, after I see it a few dozen times, for me to explain why.

By Fred Gailey

25 thoughts on “Star Wars Fan Outraged About New Movie, Not Sure Why Yet

  1. The irony of outraged fanbois replying to this makes it funnier. Go outside and touch grass you losers.

  2. Looks like some quality bait you wrote. Wow did you throw a thermite grenade down some peoples jockey’s. lol

  3. because last two were so bad including Solo they are insult to fans and whole franchise. Mandalorian is great because because Kathleen Kennedy and her lackeys were kept away from it.

    1. The Mandalorian was produced by Kathleen Kennedy just as The Last Jedi was produced by Kathleen Kennedy. She contributed nothing creatively to any of it. They are merely projects that she greenlights for sad fanbois like yourself to blame her for when you don’t like them and to not give her any credit for when you do. Your ignorance is an insult to everyone with a functioning brain whether they like Star Wars or not.

      1. She was the one who put Rian Johnson, a fuckboi who had never directed a movie before, in charge of directing TLJ. And when nearly every SW fan said the movie sucked she proceeded to insult the fans. However, in my honest opinion, she has been redeeming herself with the Mandalorian and bringing back Clone Wars. Maybe she actually listened to the fans for once.

      2. “a fuckboi who had never directed a movie before”

        Lol, he directed Brick, The Brothers Bloom and Looper before TLJ. He was nominated twice for a saturn award as best director

        He also directed the Breaking Bad episode “Ozymandias”, which is the highest rated TV show episode of all time

    2. Star Wars fan for about 25 years here. I don’t feel insulted by a single star wars movie. The new trilogy is great so far and so was Solo. Stop pretending like you speak for everyone.

    3. Psst….Katherine Kennedy green lit the project and produced it. You remember her right? Producer of some of the most famous movies of all time (Indiana Jones series, E.T.) 🤷‍♀️

  4. LOL! Yeah the level of whiny fan boy is strong with too many… Spot on to… If someone has a valid criticism of the new films, fine, I can except that but almost every person I run into that “hates” the new movies scream about SJWs and politics. The universe is literally about space SJWs fighting against an oppressive regime. It always has been. That makes the movie political by it’s very nature. Another complaint I will not accept is that Rey is a Marry Sue. Is she?.. Yeah she pretty much is, but no where NEAR the level that Luke or Anakin were. “But Rey flew a ship really good and lifted some rocks without training!” So what. Anakin got in a space fighter… that he was never trained in… and destroyed a capital ship by himself… WHEN HE WAS EIGHT!!!. Why don’t people have any problem with the level of awesome that Anakin and Luke were but hate Rey being somewhat cool? Gee… I wonder… Now I am not saying you aren’t aloud to dislike the movies, I just call people out for disliking them for ridiculous reasons. If you don’t like the films, there is an easy fix. Don’t go see it. Simple enough… Don’t spend money on things you don’t like then act like a child who is mad because the fan fic you wrote isn’s the script of the movie.

    1. I didn’t scream about SJW’s and politics when I watched the last jedi. I was burnt over plot holes, inconsistency with the previous movies, lack of character development, pointless side quests that amounted to nothing, the atrocious treatment of Luke & Leia (also Finn & Rey), and the fact that it did absolutely nothing to expand upon what JJ Abrams had set up in The Force Awakens.It’s a fucking Star Wars movie for fucks sake…this is a universe where photon torpedoes and droids exist, so why were they using clunky looking WWII style bomber ships?!?!?!?! The movie starts off with General Hux saying “take no prisoners, destroy them all,” only for him to exchange your momma jokes with Poe just seconds later. In the theaters I was like “what the fuck? Why is nobody shooting Poe’s ship right now?!?!?” I’ve barely touched on what was wrong in the first five minutes of the movie. I’m right to hate the WWII style bomber ships. Do you know why? Because it’s an already well established universe that I know and understand. The rules and parameters governing this universe has already been put into place to make a beautiful framework and Rian fuckboi Johnson took a shit all over that framework.

      Fucking morons will say “oh, it was great because it subverted expectations.” What in the mother fuck is up with that bullshit???? You’re not supposed to subvert expectations!!!! You’re supposed to exceed them!!!!

      Btw, I love Rey. The Force Awakens is amazing. I don’t care that she’s extremely strong with the force with little training because we’ve seen that in other Star Wars media such as The Old Republic. Here’s a link to validate my point https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=R51LMIAJtsc&t=366s none of the “whiny fan boys” complained about SJW’s and politics over this. Do you know why? Because it was fucking amazing and serves as a perfect example of what great writing can accomplish.

      1. Edit: Proton Torpedoes not Photon

        I didn’t scream about SJW’s and politics when I watched the last jedi. I was burnt over plot holes, inconsistency with the previous movies, lack of character development, pointless side quests that amounted to nothing, the atrocious treatment of Luke & Leia (also Finn & Rey), and the fact that it did absolutely nothing to expand upon what JJ Abrams had set up in The Force Awakens.It’s a fucking Star Wars movie for fucks sake…this is a universe where photon torpedoes and droids exist, so why were they using clunky looking WWII style bomber ships?!?!?!?! The movie starts off with General Hux saying “take no prisoners, destroy them all,” only for him to exchange your momma jokes with Poe just seconds later. In the theaters I was like “what the fuck? Why is nobody shooting Poe’s ship right now?!?!?” I’ve barely touched on what was wrong in the first five minutes of the movie. I’m right to hate the WWII style bomber ships. Do you know why? Because it’s an already well established universe that I know and understand. The rules and parameters governing this universe has already been put into place to make a beautiful framework and Rian fuckboi Johnson took a shit all over that framework.

        Fucking morons will say “oh, it was great because it subverted expectations.” What in the mother fuck is up with that bullshit???? You’re not supposed to subvert expectations!!!! You’re supposed to exceed them!!!!

        Btw, I love Rey. The Force Awakens is amazing. I don’t care that she’s extremely strong with the force with little training because we’ve seen that in other Star Wars media such as The Old Republic. Here’s a link to validate my point https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=R51LMIAJtsc&t=366s none of the “whiny fan boys” complained about SJW’s and politics over this. Do you know why? Because it was fucking amazing and serves as a perfect example of what great writing can accomplish.

      2. Yo, you seriously need to lay off the Mountain Dew you fucking nerd. Go get laid

      3. Sorry to burst your hate bubble, but the X wings and Y wings of the original trilogy were based on WWII fighters, and the dog fights with Tie fighters were lifted right from WWII areal dogfight footage… Now that you’ve removed your trousers to take a shot on what you love, kindly pull them up again. You only make yourself look like an asshole.

      4. So… I take it you’re not aware that TIE Bombers exist? And Y-Wings?

        Because the bombers in TLJ are just heavy bombardment variations on the light bomber concept that has existed in the franchise since the first movie. If light bombers exist, it’s only logical that heavy bombers also exist.

        (Y-Wings aren’t shown doing actual bombing tuns until Rogue One, but TIE Bombers are actively used to bombard the asteroid that the Falcon hides on in Empire Strikes Back)

      5. Samuel, stop being a fucking idiot.

        To respond to another post of yours:
        “And when nearly every SW fan said the movie sucked”
        A couple thousand racists, sexist, alt-right morons and other morons are not ‘nearly ever SW fan’.

  5. Who in the hell would pay that many times to watch vomit dribbling off the screen? I knew it was crap based off the initial reviews and refused to go see it. Eventually my dad offered to take me and my son to it, so it wasn’t my money. It was as bad as the reviews had foretold. #9’s initial speculations and rumors are forming an almost worse setup, I can’t even imagine that. Screw Disney, Ruin, and Jar Jar Abrams, they took a beloved franchise with tons of source material, potential and crapped all over it with their plagiarism, SJW dribble, and poor style.

  6. ThisThisis so funny (except the Hitlerpart. We are subject to our own in this country) No one pays to see a movie so many times. He is like the rest of us who love “Starwars” ‘ Thy were all great but some were better than others but we still watch them over and over. Tep. He is a big fan.

  7. So, you are trying to be clever and funny. But when you add things like “The crimes of Hitler pale by comparison,” and, “warning about the oncoming holocaust,” you are actually revealing that you can be quite a
    jerk.

  8. I was born in 1981 and ever since I can remember I have always been a STARWARS fan. I have watched the originals in numeral times. The prequels, VII and VIII… along with novels, the clone wars, Rebels, Rebellion, graphic novels nearly everything. I have entirely too much money ((not enough)) on a comprehensive collection that ranges from the vintage Death Star play set to this years gold coin to which I just placed my first payment.
    I will admit that at first I believed the last two movies deserving less than used toilet tissue, I began to actually like them as time passed by. I did not care for Rian’s view on Starwars but hell, I am not the one writing the script. But there were great elements as well. One thing I realized was that if I kept watching with such vehemence then I was just losing out. No, I don’t want Disney to Chen our garbage and stuff down our throats… but I think that they honestly looked to what the fan base wants. I absolutely loved Rogue One, thoroughly enjoyed Solo, and the Mandalorian is killing it. It’s strong enough for me and yet relatable enough for my kids.
    Point being is just that there is no “point being” so driven to dislike something we love and brought us all together. It’s like some family members that you may not care for but have to love anyways. Lol, maybe that’s why STARWARS was released during the holiday season for all of these years. Not to make them Christmas movies, however, to give us a different reality to look forward to.
    Just asking for you to not walk into the theater expecting failure because that is a self fulfilling prophecy. Go to enjoy the movie. If there are certain parts that you don’t care for then have that conversation with friends. I’m glad that I can still walk into a theatre and hear/ see those rolling credits and score with my son.
    Take care and may the Force be with you, always.

    Respectfully,
    Terry K.

    Ps.
    I’m typing this at midnight after a very long day of work. Please forgive me for any writing mistake, misspellings or rambling.

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