"I'll, I'll be right back. I'm going to take care of some things in the kitchen. It's fine. I love it, really."
Merry Christmas! I’m Still Paralyzed From The Neck Down
Your Annual Christmas Newsletter From John Lewis
Birthday On Christmas Sucks, Reports Jesus
"Please don’t send me any more gifts of gold cross pendants. Have plenty."
We Ranked The Top Ten Most Popular Christmas Songs And They’re All Garbage
You’d think the "most wonderful time of the year" would have the most wonderful music to accompany it, but you’d be wrong. So very, very wrong.
This Cat Already Has Tickets To The My Chemical Romance Reunion Tour
Purrard said he felt like he was “living his emeow years all over again.”
We Honor Those Lost To The War On Christmas
Unsubscribed. Goodbye forever.
Man Hospitalized After Calling Eddie Vedder ‘Daughter’
“I was actually requesting they play the song 'Daughter.' I fucking love that song! I was in the moment and kept screaming, ‘DAUGHTER!!’... and holy shit, did things get crazy after that.”
In 2,000 Years People Will Remember How I Was Crucified Just Like Santa Claus
The same people who murdered Santa—global elitist bankers—are trying to kill me, your president. Some people think this is funny, but believe me, those people won’t be laughing in 2,000 years.
Two Million Trees That Become Christmas Cards Hope You Enjoy Five Seconds Of Joy They Bring
“Really. Go ahead and cut us down just to become greeting cards that get thrown in the trash.”
Proud Trump Boasts Not Even Obama Was Impeached
"I got two Articles. Obama had none."