After being inundated with one tragic story after another regarding the out-of-control fires that are ravaging Australia, I’m happy to report something positive for a change. News out of Australia says that all the spiders have survived! There have been exactly zero casualties in the arachnid population. In fact, the spiders appear to be aroused by all the carnage and devastation around them, and have begun mating at an accelerated pace. Much of the charred debris in photos being posted online, are actually piles of undulating spiders engaging in raucous orgies.

The government has recommended that citizens who have not been evacuated wear masks, not to protect them from smoke, but to prevent them from inhaling newly-hatched spiders that are so abundant that they have actually become airborne. Once inhaled, there is nothing preventing these spiders from reaching sexual maturity and continuing the circle on reproduction inside the host’s lungs.

This truly is a miracle worth celebrating. Life finds a way!

Breaking News: We’re now getting word that opportunistic snakes have eaten the last of the remaining koala population. We will keep you posted on the details as we receive them.

By CarolAnn Liebelt, Photo edit: Emily Sanchez