Tucson, AZ —

Recent UA graduate Connor Hayes is one of millions caught in the national student loan crisis that is financially crippling Americans for decades, if not their entire lives. Hayes is one of the lucky ones who has a totally sweet debt load: $69,000. Haha sick!

“Hey, check this out,” Hayes says, nudging his roommates Ryan and Jackson to look at his student loan balance. Ryan looks over, eyes bugged: “Sweet.”

“I’m totally fucked,” Hayes says looking at this insurmountable burden glaring back at him, before smiling and adding “But could you imagine if my debt amount were a girl?”

Ryan looks back at Hayes: “SIXTY-NINE! Nice!”

“Listen to you dipshits,” Jackson finally responded, “What are you, in grade 9? 69 is way overrated. Almost as much as your liberal arts degree, Connor.”

“Yeah, you’re right,” Connor admits. “That debt load tho.”

Ryan agreed. “Bruh. So good.”

By Catricia