Malay Archipelago, South Pacific Ocean —

Herbert and Ethel Marowsky, who celebrated their seventieth wedding anniversary last week, credit their lengthy marriage to being patient, having good listening skills, and, more than anything, surviving a shipwreck sixty-nine years ago and washing ashore on an uncharted island in the vast Malay Archipelago.  

“I can’t imagine being married to another woman,” says Herbert. “Mostly because I can’t imagine another woman.”

“As far as relationship advice,” says Ethel, “It helps to have common goals. Like, for example, keeping dog-sized rats and rat-sized spiders out of your mud hovel. We stay pretty focused on that.”

Herbert adds, “People nowadays are too caught up in attending sock hops and driving up to the lookout spot. You want a long marriage? Charter a trip to Australia with a guy down at the docks named Freddo who tells you he ‘kind of sort of’ has a boat. It worked for us!”

“And here’s another tip: avoid being strangled and eaten by a fifty-foot boa that’s been stalking you for six decades. I can’t emphasize enough how much that’s helped our marriage.”

By Joe Lichtblau