Huntsville, AL —

Today the National Speleological Society (NSS) announced that it will be deploying a team of spelunkers to find out what the fuck crawled up your ass. Yeah, that’s right, your ass.

“This is the first exploration of its kind in the over 70 years this association has been in existence,” began the spokesperson for the NSS, adding, “It’s not the kind of expedition we ever thought we’d participate in, but Jesus Christ! We’ve had enough of your shitty attitude already. Everyone has. That’s why we are ready to unearth whatever unholy thing made its way into your ridiculously tight rectum.”

The spokesman continued, “Before being deployed into your anus, our most experienced cavers had to first undergo three months of the most intense and gruesome training they have faced in their entire cave exploration careers. The details of this training are too gross to even discuss, but trust me, these brave men and women are prepared to enter your anal cavity. They will locate and target whatever was bold enough to enter your asshole and dispose of it, once and for all.”

At press time, the NSS spokesperson recommended that you relax a little, maybe take a few deep breaths, and get your ass nicely lubed up, because the spelunking team is coming to raw dog your bunghole.

By Catricia