Kansas City, MO —

After being asked a routine question about his weekend while on the phone to his mother, 24-year-old Cody Shepherd took extra care to make his answer as exciting as possible, while also excluding any details about his excessive use of recreational drugs.

“My friends and I had a great weekend. We were all in a great mood because we just love spending quality time with each other,” recalled Shepherd, despite the known fact that every single friend cannot stand each other’s company while sober. “It was so funny, Mom! We were all standing on the table quoting that Monty Python scene you love [while absolutely pinging on molly and coke], and then we all broke into song!” Mrs. Shepherd, 57, chuckled and beamed at the thought of her young man enjoying such wholesome friendships, while swirling her fourth glass of wine in her hand.

Shepherd later recalled an amusing anecdote wherein one friend, Amber, was twerking in public, but failed to mention that the event took place in an emergency room for a friend’s overdose.