After announcing his plan to vote against the President and his party, Senator Romney soared to the top of Democratic polling, and was immediately declared the winner in Iowa. “I’d like to thank you all for your support,” Romney told Mayor Pete and Senator Warren. “No, no. It’s us who should be thanking you,” Warren said through gritted teeth. Biden was not available for comment, as he was last seen wandering in a corn field.

By Emily Sanchez