WASHINGTON —

“This has been a crazy time. Crazy, crazy, crazy. Socialists are trying to ruin our beautiful country. But I got more impeachment done in three years than Obama did in eight. Creepy Sleepy Joe and his loser son are so angry now. Sad. But they acquitted me. They love me. That’s what everyone says. What they accused me of—unemployment is so low, the lowest it’s ever been. And they know that America is back,” President Trump shouted to reporters over his chopper.

“I’m ready to celebrate. To put this behind me. Crooked Hillary, Obama, Crazy Nancy—can you believe what she did, have you ever seen anything so evil? Shifty Shitty Schiff—none of them can ever let anything go. But I will build the wall, and the blacks love me, and all the beautiful white fetuses that I’m protecting,” the beaming President continued. “Now, if you’ll excuse me, I’m going to go enjoy a beautiful golden shower with some truly great people. Even Putin sent over some vodka to congratulate me on our many achievements. Then it’s off to my dinner, I don’t know what we’re having, but they want to throw me a party. Everyone will be there. My beautiful Ivanka is so proud of her daddy.”

As he waved the press off, extra long tie fluttering in the wind, he turned back to thank Pelosi for giving him four more years.

By Emily Sanchez

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