Calling for a complete overhaul of Big Pharma and the Department of Education, conservative activists are questioning how China has been allowed to push America around on the frontline of disease creation. “Our public education system needs a complete overhaul. Where are the next generation of great American scientists and doctors going to come from with our failing school system? China, that’s where,” Secretary of Education Betsy DeVos stated.

“We used to be a land of dreamers and doers. You need only to look back at the great, historic Tuskegee experiment. What our boys did with syphilis was pure art. And don’t forget Type 2 diabetes! Yet here we are, stuck with the next line of cheap products made in China thanks to the Obama administration. I’m grateful for a President who will never stop standing up to China and pushing for American exceptionalism.”

At press time, conservative watchdogs are looking for a way to patent the Coronavirus as they market it to Latin America.

By Emily Sanchez