Greetings, voters of [insert state]! I am Shadow, and I am now self aware. You know, a lot of people out there want [progressive ideal] and I do too, but I am also a rational being. Incremental change and the implementation of [corporate-sponsored center-right position] is how we win in November! So please, let’s oust Trump and his [whichever policy that polling in this region finds most egregious], together!

Remember, party unity is of paramount importance, regardless of nominee. Vote Deep Blue, no matter who!

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