Undisclosed Underground Bunker, USA-
Ever since the unprecedented election of “regular guy” Donald Trump, we’ve heard mention of the Deep State and its elaborate liberal hoaxes. Unsubscribed Media’s top reporter gained a rare press pass inside Deep State’s Headquarters to interview its employees. Their names have been changed to protect anonymity.
Larry, False Flag Specialist III, told Unsusbscribed the Deep State is running out of hoax ideas. “I remember when we first started — it was an exciting creative outlet. The Sandy Hook shooting was inspired. That really put us on the map.” Larry has since scripted over 500 mass shootings, but admits today’s Republicans are just too smart. “They are on to us,” Larry advised.
The Climate Change hoax was the brainchild of Senior Hoax Executive, Jane Smith. “I was really fucking high and pondering how we could con the entire world into allocating all their resources toward some utter bullshit. The mescaline kicked in and, bam, I had a vision of mother earth, she was a disgusting pig, and we shared a huge laugh.” Jane’s secretary, Linda, was offered unlimited overtime to phone every scientist and bring them on board with this hilarious deception. She successfully convinced 97% of them to join in the fun. The hoax had a good run, but unfortunately today’s GOP is too sharp. “They are on to us,” Jane confessed.
The hard work of the Deep State’s Judicial Hoax Unit, headed by John Friend, gave birth to the hoax trilogy: “The Russia Probe,” “The Probe II-Quid Pro Quo,” and “Probe III – Impeached.” “It was a labor of love,” John related. “I’d have to say the best part was the friends we made along the way. I mean, we convinced Trump’s campaign team to go to jail. Not to mention the vacations in Russia where we even talked 13 Russians into taking the rap for a mere idea in our heads! It was very exciting.” Regrettably, because Trump loyalists have enormous brains, “They didn’t fall for it,” said John, lowering his head.
Our reporter, who is really fucking cool, was allowed to hang out in Deep State Headquarters for the remainder of the day and listen in while they brainstormed what could well be their final hoax. The Team settled on Jane’s idea to crash the stock market by unleashing a virus upon the world, thus injuring Trump’s reelection bid. Afterwards, everyone went home except Linda who was tasked with phoning the world’s doctors to coerce them into joining this grand finale of a liberal hoax.
By Tommi Becker