“It's been years since we've done anything like that, but she's been hinting at it for a couple weeks,” said a confused Nathan Moody of his wife, Whitney.
“The annual fuckfest is an old tradition that we take very seriously,” Glick explains. “Each village arranges for February 14th to be a day free from work to be devoted to prayer and debauched orgies.”
“To me,” says Angela, “each one of these symbolizes a milestone in our romance. Like, this one marks the day I learned Doug really needs me to work hard and earn money so he doesn’t have to live in a basement suite with five ex-felons.”
“Man, if I took all that money I've saved over the last 15 years of marriage by not buying all that overpriced Valentine's Day junk, I could afford to take my wife on trip to Paris! I mean, I won't, because I'd have to get the time off work and then we'd have to get passports and stuff. That's not what either of us want. Ain't that right, babe? Yeah, she don't want no trip to Paris.”
The robots are here.
Beijing, China — China’s Xinhua News Agency apologized to readers today for printing a mistaken opinion column earlier in the week, and explained that it had rectified the matter by retracting and deleting the erroneous author. “We are most sorry to our honored public for oversights made in publishing wrong thinking material that contravened firmly … Continue reading State-Owned Chinese Newspaper Deletes Erroneous Columnist
"We will work tirelessly across this great land—counting, recounting, throwing away ballots, even deleting votes if necessary—to make sure that Sanders does not become the nominee."
"Our cashiers have been instructed to ask for donations at the end of every transaction," said store manager Anna Skinner. "They're really motivated to end world hunger, particularly because they themselves are very hungry."
But the honor is ours.
Dolby Theatre, Los Angeles, CA — By Andrew Froese, Photo Edit by Emily Sanchez