Los Angeles, CA –

In a study exclusively released to Unsubscribed by the American Sociologist Society (ASS), analysts researched whether the reality TV show “The Bachelor” egregiously exploits needy women, or if the show does that thing we just said.

Project manager Shelley Tuttle explained. “It’s commonly believed that the women who sign up to compete for the love of ‘The Bachelor’ are vulnerable, damaged, desperate sociopaths with diagnosable daddy issues and pathologically low self-esteem. With the show’s producers accused of using these people to create the most drama for the highest ratings, we looked for empirical evidence to officially label what’s going on here.”

“Our study methodology was air-tight,” Tuttle continued, “because we wanted to be fair. It might not be’ exploitation’. It might merely be ‘capitalizing on the weak and lovelorn among us.’ Or ‘taking advantage of those with bad childhoods.’ Or ‘abusing abuse victims.’ Or ‘commercializing the mistreatment of the emotionally susceptible.’ Or ‘manipulating doe-eyed whimpering barely-adults like they’re starving cheese-chasing maze rats.’

To determine the outcome, researchers simply polled the women on the show with a 485-point questionnaire. “The results were pretty conclusive,” said Tuttle. “It turns out that ‘The Bachelor’ producers do indeed exploit needy women, believe it or not. But not on purpose – they say they actually didn’t know they were doing it, and they’re very sorry. We expect this revelation to shut down the entire ‘Bachelor’ show franchise immediately.”

On hearing the report conclusions, ‘Bachelor’ contestant Megan Jamison objected strongly. “Fuck that shit – I’m a strong, independent woman who makes good choices,” she insisted while downing her fourth margarita and flashing her breasts to the camera crew.

by Holly Love

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