“Due to the countless hands that have touched them, PIN pads are a breeding ground for germs,” a spokesperson for the CDC told reporters. “We’re advising that users use a dick to punch in their PIN. We realize that only about half of the population is in possession of a penis, so we’re asking that neighbor help neighbor with this. And since most dongs are never in anywhere near someone’s face or mouth, this is a much safer alternative to using your index finger.”