The audio team at CNN’s primary debate stage all reported that they had never heard such a ghastly sound come through their headsets before. Production Director Ted said, “Oh God, it sounded like a cross between a line cook snapping some celery in the kitchen, and the jaws of life prying open a smashed-in Buick to rescue a drunk teen driver. The whole crew just froze. Do we mute it? Do we go to commercial? Guess we’ll find out tomorrow how they’re doing.”

By Emily Sanchez