Lacking national leadership, several governors have taken it upon themselves to order their homeless population to stay home, except when absolutely necessary. Dutifully, great American patriots are labeling any loose suggestion to “shelter in place” or “stay at home” as “typical communist bullshit.” However, since the vast majority of citizens are not yet homeless —  they have gotten quickly on board with these strict directives targeting others.

“Oh yeah, I hate when the homeless wander away from their bus stops and wooded areas,” said stay-at-home dad Dave Houston. “I know to expect them at the library bathroom, but when they randomly pop up at the grocery store, or they beg for enough change to spring for a McDonald’s coffee it can be unnerving. I can’t enjoy my Big Mac while avoiding eye contact with Homeless Joe.”

Florida Governor Ron DeSantis first ordered all homeless children be removed from schools, and has now has now extended this to sidewalks, parks, and busy intersections. “We are instituting an ‘out of sight, out of mind’ approach. Get off the beaches, and leave the parks. Return to your dumpster-home. Go to your favorite vacant lot. And sit there. And wait. We’ll tell you when you can go back to enjoying your usual freedoms.”

While no one knows how long this will all last, it is clear that many are hoping this policy lasts long after this global crisis ends.

By Emily Sanchez