Dearborn, MI —

Hours after beginning to manufacture ventilators for the nation’s hospitals, Ford has already preemptively recalled the models with optional cup holders. The CEO of Ford issued an apology statement. “We could already tell that nurses would have a problem with the trailer hitch — always banging themselves on it. The cup holders seemed like a good idea, but they made the machines wobbly. We fixed that with our giant stabilizing wheels, but that led to more problems. None of these were as significant as the faulty computer chip running the whole thing. Ultimately, they just won’t ventilate.”

However Ford expects to soon have a new souped-up, reliable model in production, another company spokesperson said. “The new ventilators will go from 0 to 60 breaths in four seconds and offer a premium optional moon roof and racing stripes. We are confident in our ability to get this right.”

By Fred Gailey, Emily Sanchez, Joe Lichtblau, Photo edit: Emily Sanchez

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