New York, NY —

To date, the fast-spreading COVID-19 has decimated healthcare systems worldwide, and killed tens of thousands.

“Look, I’m really sorry,” said the microscopic speck of RNA. “I mean Jesus, you kill 3% of the population and suddenly everybody hates you.”

“Anyway, I think people will see a whole different side of me when I host SNL next month. It’ll sure be different, given that usually you’re the host and I’m the, uh, guest.”

“But hey — I can sing, I can dance, I can speed-eat a human lung — OK, that part didn’t exactly wow Lorne Michaels, but still.”

However, despite its many talents, the tiny super-reproducer believes it has once again been unfairly treated.

“I wasn’t technically-speaking ‘invited’ to be on SNL. The deal is, I landed this gig by infecting most of the cast. Soooo, yeah, some cast members may not ultimately qualify as being ‘Live’ From New York. But you can bet, if any of them survive and do a show, I’ll be up there on that soundstage, hustling my little spicules off!” 

By Joe Lichtblau, Photo edit: Paul Klingle