Yes, children, Peter Cottontail went hippity, hop, hoppin’ down the bunny trail, right into a nasty patch of COVID-19, and now he’s in a magical Bunnyland ICU, in a medically induced coma, his little Leporidae lungs fighting gruesome suffocation from pleural edema exacerbated by cellular necrosis. Hence, we will not be celebrating the Lord’s resurrection by allowing you to wallow orgiastically in sucrose confections. Here’s a still shot from some live footage, just in case you little leeches doubt Mommy and Daddy.

By Joe Lichtblau, Photo edit: Emily Sanchez