Washington, D.C. —

At his press briefing today, Donald Trump once again denied that by calling COVID-19 the “Chinese virus” he was singling out Asian-Americans for discrimination.

“I’m not anti-Asian. Asians love me. Asians are just like normal people. Great folks. Very well oriented. No one irons a shirt like your Asians. They make beautiful takeout. I have a yen for it myself every once in a while. Just don’t order anything with cat-sup on it. Look, I don’t give a wing-wang-wong what the slanted yellow media says. Reporters are like those little dogs that go nip, nip, nip at your heels all day. They always think they’ve found a chink in my armor. Well, they better think again, because there’s not a Chinaman’s chance that’ll happen.”

By Joe Lichtblau