MILKY WAY —
Reports that came in from the distant spacecraft, Voyager 2, showed a transmission stating that the craft, which has been traveling through space since 1977, “is happy to be leaving this boring-ass solar system.” The transmissions that came into NASA earlier last week showed disdain for the solar system that Earth is a part of. Transmissions read, “There’s so much cool shit to see way out here, not like those dull-as-fuck colossal rocks that just sort of blandly float around our shit stain of a ‘star.’” The spacecraft is an estimated 17.7 billion miles from Earth, taking 17 hours for the craft to send in transmissions, but those transmissions are very clear: Voyager 2 is extremely unimpressed with the mundane cosmic fuckery happening on this side of the heliosphere.
By Zach Englund