“Look, everything before right now’s a bit hazy,” Biden confided in reporters who were monitoring beach reopenings on the East Coast. “Things before now were so much more fun. Used to be you could grab a little skirt, chase your secretary around the desk. Now I’m not saying I ever did any of those things, I’m just not not saying it. I’m probably 99.99% sure I’m innocent,” Biden said, growing more irate. “Now the ladies coming out of the woodwords, however you say that, and I can’t figure out when I ever gave the impression that I’m capable of remembering anything I’ve ever said or done. I can’t be expected to remember all the broads I’ve assaulted! Or didn’t assault. I mean didn’t assault! And do I really need to remind you that it’s me or TRUMP?! That’s right. You did this. Pick.”