After wreaking mass ruination on major East Coast cities, and finishing up the destruction of New Jersey begun by the people who live there, Giant Mutant Coronavirus was last seen stomping off toward the American heartland. 

Simultaneously, on the West Coast, 300 Foot Radioactive Murder Hornet just finished decapitating millions of Californians, causing a few of them to die, and began heading East.

Now it appears the two horrific behemoths will likely collide, and fight to the death, somewhere in the vicinity of Kansas. 

Major General Maurijito Kawasaki, who claims to have defended Tokyo against a similar attack by a 20-story-tall, fire-breathing, extremely photogenic dinosaur, breathlessly told our reporter, “America’s largest missiles will be useless against the monsters, and atomic weapons will only make them stronger!”

In the interests of public safety, Kansas has recommended that its citizens not approach anything which resembles a mutant virus or a radioactive murder hornet, and is also taller than a grain silo. We will keep readers apprised of further developments in this fast breaking story. 

By Joe Lichtblau, Photo edit: Emily Sanchez