Sebring, FL—

“With you, it was easy. A bottle of wine, a broken condom, and here you were nine months later,” second time parents Bruce and Ellie Lavish explained to their five-year-old son, Porter.

“But this little girl, was a real struggle,” E. Lavish continued. “I had to track my ovulation cycle like a Sioux Indian looking for clean water. The hormone shots, the crying, and all while parenting you, you beautiful little precious shit. Sometimes the sex was downright painful, not to mention the emotional toll this all took on me—wondering if the life I dreamed of since I was a little girl was ever going to happen.”

Patting his son on the back, Dad added, “I had orgasm after orgasm during her ovulation window, but I had to wonder if we would ever get to make you be a big brother. But I pressed on, plowing the shit out of your beautiful mother, heart racing, toes curling, the sorrow of knowing I wouldn’t be able to masturbate to pass the time in between—”

After getting the lighting just right, the photographer interrupted to say, “Okay, now smile.”

By Emily Cohen