Lansing, MI—

“In hindsight, I probably should have listened to the doctors and scientists, heck, even Fox News, when they first started telling everyone to just stay home for a bit,” explains James Harris from behind the hazmat suit that he is given to wear on Thursdays from 12-2 pm. He shares this government issued PPE with the 3,000 people in his district, and no one is allowed outside without one.

“I bet now that if everyone was just a bit cool about this stuff when it first came out, things wouldn’t have gotten so out of hand, so quickly. But here I am, microchipped, and wishing I could do it all over again. Back in the good ol’ days, you could get by without even wearing a mask if you really didn’t want to, but now I gotta get power-washed every time I go out to get my monthly rations.”

Unfortunately, the interview was cut short when Harris’s chip alerted the police that he was outside of his authorized travel radius.

By Emily Sanchez