Medford, MA —

The annual Memorial Day barbecue, a tradition since —when? Maybe 1956 when grandpa held the first one, back at the old house in Everett? Anyway, it’s not happening this year.

No thanks to this goddamn fascist, locked-down state! That’s what dad yelled, to no one in particular, as he slammed his fist on Mom’s newly installed Corian counter, then stormed out onto the patio. Now he’s pulled out the Weber and — oh Christ. He’s crying. He’s standing there in his embarrassing “I’m With Stupid” apron with a fucking spatula, tears running down his face, loitering over an empty grill and flipping non-existent burgers — Lord, make it stop.

Seriously, just put us all on ventilators already, this is unbearable. 

By Joe Lichtblau