Yeah, we know. You are stuffing your face with hot dogs and guzzling beer. You are enjoying your three-month weekend. But Memorial Day is a day set aside to honor those who have made the ultimate sacrifice. Today, as you fire up the grill, remember the brave souls who have burned their Costco cards to defend the American Way of Life. Fly your flag at half-staff for the protesters who have risked media ridicule to show us that social distancing is worse than slavery. Say a prayer for the fallen heroes who cannot order riblets at Applebee’s. Salute the patriot who owns the tattoo parlor, forced to close thanks to a dictatorial county health department.
On this day, we remember you. We remember that you have sacrificed everything for our freedoms. We honor you for your bravery in struggling to defeat the forces of stay-at-home orders, casino closures, and indentured masketure. We will teach our children to honor your memory, after you die from COVID-19.