El Segundo, CA —

“Today is a historic day for the merger of the worlds of plant-based foods and 90s R&B,” Beyond Meat CEO Ethan Brown announced. “We brought in pop semi-legend Shaggy to be the new face for our alternative meats. Shaggy embodies everything we stand for, especially our determination to stay relevant.”

“I just did my one line; they got some cheap hire to do the singing” Shaggy said. “He was singing things like ‘Caught me with a burger on the sofa’ and ‘I even ate it in the shower’. I don’t know. Anyway, I got paid.”

“We were already excited to get Shaggy in, but when we saw his eyes light up at the idea of working with us for a million dollars, that’s when we got really excited! We know he’ll pull in that vital demographic of 30- to 50-year-olds who love reggae fusion.”

Currently, Shaggy and Ethan are working on the lyrics to Beyond Meat’s upcoming ‘Shroombastic ad.

By Andrew Froese, Image Edit: Emily Sanchez