When the United States sends travellers to Europe, they're not sending their best. They're sending people that have a lot of problems, and they're bringing those problems with us. They're bringing disease. They're bringing MAGA hats. They're racists. And some, I assume, are good people."
Man Can’t Wear Mask Because Of His Tiny Penis
"Not every guy has an anaconda, some of them have a delicate garden snake."
Netflix Viewer Down To Fuller House Or Iron Fist
After two two months of quarantine, Netflix user Tom Miller has binged every series on the streaming service, with the exceptions of Fuller House and Iron Fist. "After I watched the last episode of 13 Reasons Why, Netflix added a new category, Shows You Haven't Already Watched. The list consisted of a sequel to a … Continue reading Netflix Viewer Down To Fuller House Or Iron Fist
Trump Campaign Replaces MAGA With Less Ambiguous ‘White Power’ Slogan
Over the weekend, President Trump and his campaign team officially launched their fresh, new campaign slogan: White Power. "Our critics were always like, 'Oh, when was America great? Do you mean during slavery? Jim Crow? What?' And then we switched to 'Keep America Great,' but then the extreme left kept pointing out this Kung Flu … Continue reading Trump Campaign Replaces MAGA With Less Ambiguous ‘White Power’ Slogan
Delightful Karens Unite Against Perpetuating Karen Stereotype
“We don't want to speak to the manager. We manage our inconveniences through self-reflection and appreciation of why businesses don't honor 10-year-old coupons. Only once in my life have I called for a manager; there were pubes in my pasta, and even then I felt guilty calling them over.”
Dixie Chicks Change Name To Less Offensive ‘Dixie Women’
"We're tired of being part of the problem," singer Natalie Maines said in a statement issued to fans. "For many years, our band has worked to produce music that all Southern white ladies could enjoy. We realize now that in order to keep up with the times, it is imperative that we change our name to … Continue reading Dixie Chicks Change Name To Less Offensive ‘Dixie Women’
America’s Unemployment Rate Hits 0 As Country Stops Counting
"It really is quite an accomplishment for this great nation," exclaimed William W. Beach, commissioner of the BLS. "It really boiled down to not counting anyone who was unemployed and instead focus our attention on the citizens that were actively employed."
New K-Y Jelly Ad Thanks All The Heroes Supporting Us When We Need It Moist
The new 15 second ad will premier on HBO and Showtime. A spokesperson for the company said, "It's important that we do something to honor the people who are working so hard to keep this nation up. We think you'll love it."
Aunt Keeps Calling Everyone “Sweaty” On Facebook
It may appear that she was intending to call Bethany "Sweety", but the fact that this comment was left on one of her niece's gym selfies renders the comment ambiguous.
Museum Of Natural History Roosevelt Statue Replaced With Live Orca From SeaWorld
NYC — "Teddy Roosevelt was a hunter, a leader in the Spanish American War, a cowboy, a President, and an imperialist racist bastard," a spokesperson for the museum told protesters next to the old statue. "Here he was, sitting above everyone, up on his literal high horse. Thankfully, SeaWorld Orlando has loaned us this beautiful … Continue reading Museum Of Natural History Roosevelt Statue Replaced With Live Orca From SeaWorld