Saying that it “actually isn’t that bad,” an aging Rage Against the Machine fan has begun to identify more with the Machine.

“In my twenties, I was all ‘Fuck you, I won’t do what you tell me.’ But as I’ve matured, I’ve found myself chanting things more like ‘Fuck you, but also he should have just followed orders,'” said gen-Xer Pierre Vinko. “You want to take the power back? Vote. I tell you, Rage might know how to write good riffs and lyrics, but they do not understand the first thing about property rights.”

“Things were different in the ’90s,” explained Vinko. “There was Rodney King and all this terrible stuff happening. But these days, generally speaking, the police actually keep us pretty safe! I’m not saying the machine is always perfect, but if it offered me a job, I’d consider it.”

At press time, Vinko stated he was about 60% sure he knew his enemy.

By William Boffa