Television City

CBS is placing its bets on a new series, consisting of grainy Zoom footage of an employee yelling at her misbehaving children. Missy York, an administrative assistant, left a Zoom network meeting on Wednesday, and neglected to end the meeting. Her camera proceeded to capture a ten-hour tirade, mostly aimed at her children’s failure to do their chores. “Dylan, I need you to pick up your filthy underwear,” screamed York, at least seventeen times during the recording. “Emily, you have Netflix running on both your phone and your laptop. I can’t get in,” shrieked the frustrated homebound office worker at her teenage daughter. “Sophia, it’s your day to load the dishwasher,” pointed out the exasperated Mom.

Rants against the children were occasionally interrupted by demands that the dog stop laying in the middle of the floor, and loud complaints directed to characters on television. “Oh God Ellen, you are cutting your Mom’s hair all wrong,” she shouted at Ellen DeGeneres through a television screen, oblivious to the fact that the talk show host couldn’t hear her, and and had taped the program two weeks earlier.

“We’re excited to come off another season as America’s most watched network and, despite the obvious challenges around us, put together another winning lineup,” Kelly Kahl, president of CBS Entertainment, said in a statement. “Next season, this will be a breakout series, showing the frayed nerves of a family locked together for three months. We are sorry that NCIS: Home-Office didn’t work out, but we are confident that the embarrassing footage of Missy making the lives of her children miserable will make all of us feel better about our own dysfunction.”

Missy York was unavailable for comment, as she was reminding her husband that he forgot to bring Taco Bell home for dinner. “We think she is the next Carole Baskin,” exclaimed Kahl.

-Fred Gailey-