Minneapolis, MN –

To rectify the racism reflected in African Americans being more than twice as likely to be killed by law enforcement, police around the country have started making it a point to shoot more white people.

“Pretty much any offense is now just cause to shoot even if you’re white,” explained Minneapolis police officer Gordon Farris. “I caught a white guy peeing in the river last night. Shot ’im.”

Farris’s partner William Berry calls it “balancing of the books.” After shooting a black man who littered outside a convenience store, he made a point of opening fire on four white park dwellers out of his patrol car window on his way back to the precinct. “That’s four times as many whites down tonight,” said Berry. “Who’s racist now, bitches?”

During a press conference, a reporter asked a spokesperson for the Fraternal Order of Police if it wouldn’t be better to just stop shooting so many black people. The reporter was later found shot dead by a police officer who has now been promoted.