In recognition of the all-to-often gross mistreatment of black Americans at the hands of police officers, Presidential candidate Joe Biden has promised all Americans that he will make it his mission to right this wrong. “I know people keep talking about that crime bill from the ’90’s, but quit living in the past. The future is ahead of us, it’s forward,” Biden told reporters. “You can’t do what I’ve been doing for decades without getting good at catching a whiff of a bad apple when you get right up close to it. I can do this. I can sniff ’em, spot ’em, catch and release ’em before they get to killing too many people.” At press time, Biden was seen sniffing coffee beans to “cleanse the nose palette.”