After accurately calculating his poll results, President Trump has sent a cease and desist letter to a Staples SPL-230 8-Digit calculator.

The poll, which shows him trailing Presidential candidate Biden by 14 points, was rejected by the Trump campaign, as a spokesperson explained: “This calculator, and math in general, has shown time and time again to have a liberal bias. I expect an apology and a full subtraction. Never again will we quantify figures in a way that disrespects our flag so much.”

Trump’s fan base, who are currently burning their calculators en masse in protest, are furious about the takeaway. When asked what they based their accusations of fraud upon, one supporter explained, “Trump make feel good. Feel good make big number. If machine no big number, we angry and make fire.”

The calculator appeared generally nonplussed about the accusation, staying silent on the matter other than quietly clapping back with the message “boobs.”